I wanted to give up and give in today.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.” (Author unknown)


Today was one of those days. I was tired. I had carried a load long and hard and its weight was feeling like a bolder. I was not outwardly tired, but inside I felt weary. I felt worn out and ready to just say OK OK (white flag waving) you are right I am wrong and I bow out with little grace but I am bowing out none the less.


I had spent the last few days if I am honest thinking of ways to convince myself that I was OK with letting my crusade go! I mean really WHAT exactly was I winning, and WHAT exactly was the point again.. AND really WHO was I trying to prove this thing to.. because lets be real here!, This was OLD and I was and am tired. 


I had this inner dialog with myself and as I mumbled more with myself the louder I became( on the side) until I was at the point of wavering. I mean I can be honest. I want a lot of things to change. I do not want to feel the loneliness, I don't want to feel the pain of rejection, I don't want to be alone in the day to day of life... But I am and it hurts.


So I shared with a friend how I was feeling in a off the cuff just passing it by kinda way.. You know that sneaky kinda way when you drop a comment in the hopes they don't really hear you and don't really listen so as not to nail you with real advice.. Let me just tell you I FAILED... She GOT ME!!!! She gave me a serving of truth pie and feed it to me quick and dirty..


If we weren't friends I MIGHT have taken off my shoe and hit her with it... AND NO I am not sure I am joking.... HUMF!


And then she told me the truth... YOU can be tired but YOU will stand.. YOU can feel worn out BUT this is worth it.. YOU are making a difference and you are not alone... The darkest time is just before dawn so hang on...


Thank you. For supporting me when I could not understand how I was going to walk another step. And then I was confirmed even more. And then I came home and I did my circuit of reading and I read this To Far To Turn Back and despite my sadness I had to give thanks.. Thank you GOD for sending me what I need ALL THE TIME. 


Now I came home and had to post because I know that some one, some where is HERE or will be HERE. Emotionally spent, physically weary, and spiritually burdened.  I am here to say I WANTED to give up but we have come to far to give up or turn back... We can do this.. .because we ARE doing this and the truth is its already done.

“God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.”

Chester W. Nimitz