C is for Compunction

Compunction:

1. a feeling of uneasiness or anxiety of the conscience caused by regret for doing wrong or causing pain; contrition;remorse. 
2. any uneasiness or hesitation about the rightness of an action.

I was looking for a C word today and many words fell out of my mind,

1. Compassion
2. Comfort
3. Confused
4. Compromise
5. Contradiction

You get the picture. MY mind is in a place of transition and I was not sure what word to choose. Then I saw compunction and it fit. Compunction is a word that I can not ever remember running into in the pass yet where I am right now is explained really well by this word. I am not speaking to my spouse. That is such a hard place to be in. I am choosing to "hide myself" from him and his actions by interacting with him little to NONE. I have a 3rd party to ferret emails between us to communicate about out children and "life" needs. Our home is currently being sold.. (thats another post) and I could not stand by and immerse myself in the life he is choosing to live in. His affair is taking to much of my thinking space and I needed to get as far away as I could. Physically I have chosen to stay in the area but my emotions and my mind do not have to participate in this mess.

There are days when I am feeling uneasiness and a huge hesitation regarding my actions, in actions, reactions. I want to "make it all better'" when really this is not possible at this point.

I am praying for and working towards patience and confidence! I KNOW that GOD has a plan and in that plan is his VERY best for me, our marriage, our children, our family as a whole. Where I am IS not GOD's best so I know that this is not my final place.