Divorce is chugging along

I am now almost at the half way mark of the 6 months waiting period of the divorce. Dec 27th was the official filing date its now March 15th almost 3 months down. I am not excited by the idea of the divorce being final but I am ok with it and I accept that that part of my life is over. The house being sold is trudging along slowly and surly and steadily. It will all happen in due time. My children are suffering. My youngest son is having issues in school with his academia and his behavior. I am prayerful and hopeful that the challenges he are experiencing can and will be addressed and that we can help in during this transition.

Dating with Purpose.. updates

Well God does answer prayers, but I knew that already! LOL. SC disappeared... no really, dropped off the face of the earth and I am SO ok with that. In fact I am relieved and thankful. I am thankful that I was brave enough to say what I wanted and needed and thankful that I was able to listen to his answer. When he did not call me back I was OK. In fact I was able to delete his phone number and in my heart and mind wish him nothing but good, and then I kept it moving!

I believe that when one door closes another one is bound to open, and that is what happens.

So here is the story. Jan 31st I meet a man lets call him LJ. We meet on line on a social site. He sent me a message and I responded. We spoke back and forth for a day or so and then he asked me on a date. We set a date for Sunday the 5th of Feb. He works nights and that was the first day that he and I both had off without plans. Well we exchanged phone numbers and began texting instead of the site. We text back and forth and on Thursday evening he told me that he was not going to work. We talked back and forth and I told him that I wish he would have said something as Thursday's are a good day for me to go out. Well Friday AM I got a text that stated he was not going to work and if I wanted we could hang out. I agreed. Friday we text back and forth and tried to settle on a location of our date. I had meetings at work and as the day went on I grew more excited. I made arrangements for lil gal and I set out for our first date.

Before I left I understood that he was a stranger and I got his info, date of birth, address, full first and last name and sent it to 5 of my friends. But I trust myself and I had a great feeling about him.

He willingly gave me the info and we decided to stay at his place for the date, watch DVR, drinks, and dinner. I also told him that we would NOT be having sex!

The date was GREAT, in fact it was so great that I did spend the night and I did have sex, and we did have a serious talk and decided that we would be together, dating each other only. We also began the in depth conversation. I asked all the ugly questions and I gave all my ugly answers.

He is separated for the past 2 years. His ex lives in another country they are neither legally divorced nor separated. He smokes cigarettes and drinks daily.  He has 2 children both by his ex. He is ex military and is currently in the reserves and works full time at night. We share the same birthday and he is 2 years younger then me. We talked and his going joke is now that I said I was not going to have sex lol.

I am ok with how things turned out. I am OK with were we are and were we are going. I have had the "talk" I have set out my expectations of marriage. Now I am prayerful and hopeful

Today.. well I will call it INTERESTING...

Today I had a court date to appeal my denial for a fee waiver for my divorce.. I made about 21K last year as I only worked about 5 months. I was denied.. WHY you would ask? Well because MONTHLY I make more then the income guidelines. Even though my budget CLEARLY states I HAVE NO MONEY, (they ask for a break down of your income), even though I have 3 kids and one of them is 1. I was DENIED... I know why people lie.. I know why people cheat. DESPERATION.

Oh and it got better. I lost my phone, ran it over, or SOMETHING that it can not be found... That cost me $100 too.

Grand total today $495 guess how much of that I really have..... HAHAHAH That would be NONE!!!

I am now in debt to the bank thank you for over draft but OH the fees to just stay above water. The cell phone is my ONLY phone so I HAVE to have it as I do not have any other way of communicating with the world...

I believe in GOD. I prayed a lot today. If I drank I would have had a LOT to drink.. If I took drugs I would have used today. Thank GOD I do not use drugs nor alcohol..... But I so understand why and how people get lost in those things.

My kids are probably acting like they do any other day but because I am all discombobulated I feel frazzled and short.. Sorry kidlets I love yall!

I have to move... I am selling my house in a short sale. I am trying really really hard NOT to be a bitter old lady....

Prayer I will continue to do, it keeps me sane. Drinking if it was not so expensive could be my back up plan.

Dating with purpose dating for marriage.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being invited to a group get together for both married and single. It was a "christian" based group and I loved it. There was a video shown by a Pastor R.A. Vernon from The Word Church.  What I enjoyed the most and took away from the event was to date with purpose and my purpose is MARRIAGE.

It was so enlightening and uplifting to be CONFIRMED and grounded in my desire NOT to be "out there" looking to hook up with men and HOPE someone comes along. NOPE instead I am going to date with purpose. My 2 best GF told me that if I want something then I have to be bold in my declaration. I have to put "it out there". So I am!

I had the pleasure of meeting a person I will refer to as Southern Comfort or SC for short. SC is the best friend of MY best friends husband. SC lives in another state, SC is 4 years younger then me, SC is also going through a divorce. We meet for the first time 3 years ago when SC came to visit. We ended up being a "couple" for the time he was here on outings. My gf and her husband and SC and me. We talked and had fun, hung out but there was no sexual intercourse. We were both married at the time and we were committed to what we had. We shared our stories but we never crossed the line. I have to admit that I was attracted to him physically, emotionally, and mentally, but I understood that some of what I felt could very well be because of what I was lacking. Either way it did not matter...

Well fast forward to Aug of 2010. I separate from my ex, a year later Aug 2011 or so I am informed by by GF that SC has separated from his ex. I thought nothing of it. Dec 21st. I receive a text message from my gf husband informing me that SC would like to talk to me, here is his number and he is waiting for my call..... I called. We talked. We continue to talk.

Now to tie this story all together... Before I went last night to the group I had decided that I would be HONEST with SC and let him know my desires. I told him I was interested in him and for long term.. marriage potential. We talked about it... He did not hang up and he has not not spoken to me again. I think he is considering my position... I am prayerful to see what GOD has in store. I have made my intentions clear and I am prayerful that GOD answers prayers. If SC is not interested in pursuing marriage then we can be great friends but I will not just accept anything anymore.

Things are just moving along.

As is life... Things just move ahead. My baby boy will be 7 years old tomorrow... I am both happy and sad. I can look back at his birth and remember the joy and yet the sadness as well. Today I look at him and I find myself feeling much the same feelings. 7 years later and much has changed and yet much is still the same. I am still filled with sadness and regret with many things yet I am on the road of happiness.

Its a new year and CHANGES are in the process. Chances to make the things I want come to pass with hard work and determination. NEXT year I want to look back and find myself filled with accomplishment and awareness.

My soon to be ex-husband and I had the discussion I had been dreading. Its over and I feel a great sense of relief. Now its a few court dates for our children and then the waiting period to have the papers signed or the divorce to be final. June 27th would be the 6th month mark for the divorce to be final. My 34th birthday will be 7 days later. I want to celebrate happiness and the end of a chapter. I am sad because of the divorce but I am also relieved and excited to see life unfold.

I have informed my step children that I have filed for divorce, I have informed my 7 year old, I have informed my family and close friends. The cat is out of the bag... It is a relief... It is sad but again I look forward to life. A new year and new possibilities!

Musing of the past has come to an end... To allow new things to come to pass

In This post. I was deep in thought about a situation that was weighing very heavy on my spirit. I have found peace. I am not obligated to stand for either of them! After reading and re-reading my post and the bible verses I have come to the conclusion that NEITHER T1 or T2 are what I will be standing for.


I once heard that a sign of successful people are lists. My brother is one of those people. He makes a list of things that he wants big or small and crosses them off as he obtains them. I admired him for his list. One day he bought me a small note book to begin my own list. For the past year occasionally I have done just that, made lists.

The day before yesterday and yesterday I began a new list. I listed all the qualities I would like to have in a spouse. GOD will bless me and my children with a man who is in accordance with his BEST for us. To be able to recognize him though I thought I better make a list.... Because how will I know what I am looking for if I have not thought it out. I guess its like an ingredients list.

For every actin there is a REaction

Despite my decision to file for divorce needing to be done I still feel. When I have feelings I am not good at expressing them except when I sleep. I talk in my sleep... and not a regular talking. I express my fears and pains. That is when I can sleep. For the past few days I have not been sleeping well, I have began to talk in my sleep, I have not been eating well... THATs new..

I know this will pass. I know it will get better, I know sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. I know that I can make it through this. I know that I am strong, kind, wonderful, deserving.

Thank you for another day.