Musing of the past has come to an end... To allow new things to come to pass

In This post. I was deep in thought about a situation that was weighing very heavy on my spirit. I have found peace. I am not obligated to stand for either of them! After reading and re-reading my post and the bible verses I have come to the conclusion that NEITHER T1 or T2 are what I will be standing for.


I once heard that a sign of successful people are lists. My brother is one of those people. He makes a list of things that he wants big or small and crosses them off as he obtains them. I admired him for his list. One day he bought me a small note book to begin my own list. For the past year occasionally I have done just that, made lists.

The day before yesterday and yesterday I began a new list. I listed all the qualities I would like to have in a spouse. GOD will bless me and my children with a man who is in accordance with his BEST for us. To be able to recognize him though I thought I better make a list.... Because how will I know what I am looking for if I have not thought it out. I guess its like an ingredients list.

For every actin there is a REaction

Despite my decision to file for divorce needing to be done I still feel. When I have feelings I am not good at expressing them except when I sleep. I talk in my sleep... and not a regular talking. I express my fears and pains. That is when I can sleep. For the past few days I have not been sleeping well, I have began to talk in my sleep, I have not been eating well... THATs new..

I know this will pass. I know it will get better, I know sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. I know that I can make it through this. I know that I am strong, kind, wonderful, deserving.

Thank you for another day.

You Have Freedom Of Choice NOT Freedom Of Consequence.

I filed for Divorce on the 27th of December. He was served the same day. I am sad.. I am anxious. I am hurt. I am relieved. I am excited. I look forward to the future. I am going to move forward into a new year with healing and peace. I refuse to begin yet another year where I was. I choose to begin the healing process and to put down the hurt, anger, pain, frustration, disappointment. It is no longer a load I wish to carry.

Christmas came and went. My ex did not call our children, text them or make any effort to see them. He lives less then 15 minutes from our home... Our daughter sees him about 24 hours in 1 week. My 16 year old son has reached out to him by text, phone calls, FB he has ignored him for the most part. My x has been the only father my son has had for the past 11 years. For 10 years he has been there.... Now he has chosen to throw my son aside like a piece of trash. My son, or in his words HIS son... He is no longer MY son though I have been there for EVER moment of his life of the past 10+ years. I have been informed I no longer am needed nor welcomed. I have gone to ever Dr. appointment, ever counseling appointment, ever school function, I have picked him up when he has been out of pocket at school, I have gotten almost every phone call, I have cleaned up his throw up and nursed him when he was sick. I have fought for him when he needed it in school and any where else. I have loved him and held him close to my heart even if I did not birth him from my womb.. But now I don't count. Now I have to text him to have communication with him.

I understand anger and pain, I made a choice to have an affair, I made a choice to hurt those I love. I made a choice... But the freedom from the consequences are not an option. I am sorry that I made the choices I have made that has contributed to where we are. I am sorry for the pain my children are suffering... I am sorry for the pain and hurt I am feeling. My GOD continue to place his guiding hand in our lives. I know that healing and restoration of goodness is in progress...

Life has a way of surprising me with GREAT things.

Our last Christmas in our house

Our house is for sale and the sale will be final soon, like in the next 4 months at most but more along the lines of the end of Feb beginning of Mar 12. Although I was really sad by the idea of having to move I have come to a place of acceptance and even excitement! I am getting the ability to have a new journey or at least a new bend in the road. I have to opportunity to purchase ALL new things and I do mean everything! Not having anything after the shock is liberating. I have the opportunity to purchase new things and the excitement of this is great! What wonderful new things am I going to experience in the coming year! What wonderful people will I meet, and things will I see, places I will go?! I dont know but I am open, happy and willing to let life and GOD bless me!

So today is Christmas eve and I baked a wonderful ham, roasted potato wedges, and made some mixed veggies to celebrate the holiday as well as our journey! I am filled with happiness and I am passing that on to my children.

Happy Holidays!!!

Interesting updates..I filed for child support & Divorce is next

Early last week I filed for Child Support. I hated to do this not because my children DONT deserve his support but because as adults I felt like we should be able to communicate our children's needs as 2 people who had lived together and loved each other, as 2 people who has spent the last 11 years of our lives knowing each other, as 2 adults who had been in a relationship(not always good but committed) for the past 11 years. I never in a million years would I have thought to find myself in the situation I am in now.

My husband has chosen to ignore our daughters needs on several occasions.. More occasions then I care to admit. Over the past year plus of her life he has gradually done less and less for her until recently when I requested diapers from him he waited 9 days to respond to my request. A request that stated she had only 8 diapers left... I am beyond saddened... if you had told me the store of the past 2 years 3 years ago I would have bet you my life that it would NOT happen to me and my husband would NEVER do the things to me or our children that he has been doing.

I am so sad to see our children suffering, I am so sad to see a person I have loved and respected fall to such a hard place. I am so sad to acknowledge that I have committed the acts that I have committed that helped place our marriage into this place. I acknowledge my affair and my attitude contributed to the break down of our marriage. I am only sorry to know that he has found it to hard to forgive and work through it, I am sad that for the sake of our family and children he has chosen this path for himself.

Either way he has chosen to move on.. He has chosen to continue to disrespect me and our marriage to a point where I have found myself at peace with letting him go as he has requested.

At this point I am DONE and I need to begin my new year in a new place. With love I am letting him go on his way as he has requested. With love I am letting him go so that he can have the life he requested because that is what love is in my world.

The other part of me is OUTRAGED at the pain and hurt and I want it to stop. I have had enough and I am saying arnold!

Prayerfully I have an appointment for Monday to begin the paperwork and Tuesday I will be at the courthouse to file.

Musing of late... Continued Part 2

Dec 2010 I see T1 again and it is hard to admit how nice it was to see him again, but I think nothing much of it and times moves on. We do not speak again and have no contact. I continue to be separated from T2.

Nov 2011 rolls around and its the beginning of the Holiday season. T1's mother stays in contact with me and we have spoken a few times through the year. I call T1's mothers house and T1 happens to be there. We speak briefly and he asks for an update on my situation. I inform him I am still separated and living apart. T1 advises me that he wish someone would have talked to him and told him what a horrible mistake he was making when he and I divorced, he stated that in time T2 will feel the same way even if it is not happening now, but then he goes on to say "his loss is my gain."

I explain to him that he knows me motto, don't GO back. I have done all I could do in the past and I have always felt once I walked away to stay away. As I began to do counseling and take my medications I was confronted with my closet of skeletons. One of them being the love I have for T1.

Sense Nov 2011 T1 and I have been talking through text and rarely phone. We have discussed what his desire is for a future. Where he sees us as a family and what he wants. He has made it very very clear that his desire is marriage. He has made it clear that he wants to be with me and have a family life. He has made it very clear that he wants a life time with me.

I have found myself TORN to the depths of my soul! WHO do I stand for? What do I stand for. My heart says STAND for my 1st marriage as that is where my first commitment began, he did not walk away from me I walked away from him. He has not stated that he doesn't want me.

The bible says that there would be NO wrong on my part from allowing a man to walk away from me that is a non believer.

1 Corinthians 7:10-15

7:10  But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband

7:11  (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

7:12  But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.

7:13  And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.

7:14  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.

7:15  Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such {cases,} but God has called us to peace. This is where I find myself. Musing on the word that states very clearly. Allow him to leave and live in peace.

Musing of late...

I was married before. I was in the relationship from 14 until 21 meaning we dated. We were married for 2 of those years. I divorced him, he did not want a divorce. He had an affair, or maybe I should say we separated stating we were going to divorce, he had sex with someone else, that end in a child. He and I got back together and neither of us knew of the child until after she was born and was over a year old. We ended up divorcing for many reasons, the child included.  ... Its amazing how life has a way of repeating itself. I make no excuses or him. I had many of my own problems. In 1 year we separated 15 times...

I was often known to fly off the handle, I was impatient, I was immature, I was hurt and hurting. I can only speak on ME and where I was and who I was. I make no excuses for his behaviors because they were choices. But for myself I made really bad choices and my behaviors were less then pleasing... and that is putting it pleasantly.

(1st husband from here on will be called THING 1 or T1 and 2nd husband will be called THING 2 or T2)


Now here is where my musing has come in... I went into a 2nd marriage very soon after my 1st divorce never knowing what I know now regarding standing...

Through an interesting turn of fate Thing1 has approached me and stated that he is interested in marriage.... again.. That although we have now been separated and divorced for the past 12 years almost he has been waiting for a chance to try again and win my heart.... I am speechless and stunned to say the least....

A little more background. When we divorced over the years T1 and I have had little to NO contact. In fact we have had almost no contact in the past 7 years. Meaning we have spoken in passing perhaps a few times... We have seen each other just as few times.

Dec 2010 I was living at my moms, having moved out of my home and separating from T2 in Aug 2010. I had changed my cell phone number, my email address and I had just had my daughter Sept 2010. Over the years my eldest son whom I had with T1 spends Thanksgiving and Christmas with T1 and his family but those arrangements have always been made with T1's mother.

Ok ok back to the story.

I was laying in the bed and my brother came in to the room and said "Thing 1 is here". I laughed because that was next to impossible. Long story short, T1 was standing in my mothers home.
A little background. I am a stable person. I had the same phone number, email address, and address for 7 years until recently. I am not one to fall off the map and I stay in contact with others. T1's mother was VERY concerned for us and had sent T1 to my moms house to find out where we were.

We spoke briefly and I informed him that I was separated, living with my mom, I had just had a baby and I was in school. He picked up our son and left.. That was it.

This is getting long so I guess I better make a new post...

Ambivalent is where I have been

Ambivalent -Psychology . of or pertaining to the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.


I have found that I am in a place of ambivalence and to be honest I am uncomfortable being there some days and other days I am just fine. I am trying really really hard to take each day... well daily. I have noticed that I spend a LOT of my time either laminating about the past and what was or the opposite which is worrying and laminating over the future... When in reality I am LIVING today and only right now. Yesterday is GONE and tomorrow well I am not sure I will be here to experience that. As for fear... Well fear is of my own making. The things I CHOOSE to worry about may or may not come to pass and if they DO or DO NOT is neither here nor there. They will be what they will be. 


I was given a wonderful complement. I am at peace.. I look at peace. I am happy that the outside me is getting better. That means what is in me is getting better as well. Maybe it is medication.. Maybe it is counseling, maybe it is time and healing. What ever it is I am happy to be experiencing it. 


Because when its all said and done I just want to be happy being where I am. 

Its ok to say this is hard and to ask for help

I have not posted because I have been in a funk of sorts. I am tired. I am feeling hopeless, I have found desperation to be my companion more then I would like to admit, but admitting it I am. Its a challenge to keep focused on a promise when what I see is so disheartening. When I think about what the situation is I know that I can NOT give up. I am fighting for something bigger something WORTH my fight. If I had a person trying to beat my child up or steal my car I would fight back with all the tools I had. I would ask for assistance and I would stand strong. My marriage, my family, my husband, my children are PRICELESS. There is nothing that I would not do for them when it comes to saving our family.

I believe in the commitment I gave to my children when we married as well as to the children I have had sense then. That is not to say that at times I don't feel like giving up and running for the hills because I do.

Financial challenges, loneliness, anger, frustration, doubt are all emotions that assault me on a regular basis. I am HUMAN, I have feelings, I want to give up and run FAR away. I feel disappointed and betrayed but I need to own my own actions and my own place in this situation

I have contributed to where I am and I have to work on making me the best person I can be. I have recently, last night, gotten sick. I know that this is stress. I know that I am in need of help so I am getting it. I have decided to medicate myself in addition to going to counseling.

R is for Resilient

Resilient

1. springing back; rebounding.
2. recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant.
3. returning to the original form or position after being bent,compressed, or stretched.

Thanks to my back ground I am a bit of a optimist or perhaps that is just really who I am. I believe that I have a great amount of resilience and I hope to pass that on to my children. I want to believe that my resilience will and does help me through the challenges I face daily allowing me the opportunity to learn from my past challenges and to formulate a better mode of operation for the next event. 

If I can learn that each day is a new opportunity for me to spring back even 1 step further then I am today I feel like I have accomplished something. I have heard many times "I feel like I take 3 steps forward only to fall 2 steps back" in my mind this is NOT such a bad thing for several reasons.

First I know have some experience! 2nd I am not starting where I was before, I have an advantage as I am still one step closer to my goal and one step further away from my past challenges.

Q is for Quiet

I have found that my mind is quieter then it has been in a while. Thank you for the outlet to release the noise.

P is for Pursuit/ Pursue

Pursuit

1. an effort to secure or attain; quest
2. to strive to gain; seek to attain or accomplish.

Tonight I was flipping through the channels and I passed over the movie "The Pursuit of Happiness" I have never seen this movie but as I flipped through the channels it pulled me in. I caught the movie at the point when the main actor asks he question, are we always in the pursuit of happiness? Is there ever a point when we OBTAIN the thing that we are pursuing? In this case happiness... Now I know this is only a movie but I could not help but ponder this question. 

Have I always been in pursuit of something and unable to find happiness in the things I had? Is it time for me to ACCEPT the happiness and other things I have obtained verses the constant pursuit of something else. Is the pursuit of something and indication of unsatisfaction in the things you have? 

I am currently in the pursuit of restoration... I wonder if I should be content and HAPPY where I am before I can find happiness in a place I am not... I guess its the idea of practice makes perfect. I don't think what I am trying to convey is the a person or I should not strive to obtain new things... Instead I am wondering if I should BE happy where I am and practice and perfect that art.. 

Even when its the darkest you can choose to step into the light.

I was watching Fringe which I stopped watching and now have adventured into again and I heard this phrase.

"even when its the darkest you can choose to step into the light." Or something close to that.... Even in my darkest moments I want to know that I have a choice to step into and search for the light.

I spoke to my step-sister last night. We have an on again off again relationship. My mother was married to her father and that ended in a divorce. Through the years we have ran into each other, spoken then lagged in our contact. She is a Jehovah Witness  and was married about 6 years ago. She recently left her husband and after 2 children they are divorcing. I do not pry and I do not ask to many question because truthfully we are not that close. But I am saddened to see her marriage has broken down to the point of a divorce.

But talking to her last night I learned some interesting things.

What I seem to find is that the Christian religion and its spin offs seem to SAY it discourages divorce but doesn't have those same actions in practice. While on the other hand the Islamic faith also discourages divorce but accepts it as a normal practice and it is spoken of in the Quran. With my Christian upbringing and experiences I have a serious aversion to divorce in the case of my marriage. I have not figured out what or why exactly I am standing so strongly but I am. Instead of just falling into the darkness of divorce I am instead choosing to step into the light of faith. Believing that ANYTHING is possible.

My sister and I talked last night and I was happy to support her in her choice to dissolve her marriage and she was happy to support me in my stand for mine. I think that was really standing in the light. Standing for what I believed while not standing in the way of others beliefs.

O is for Overjoyed

Overjoyed

1. to cause to feel great joy or delight; elate

I will think that I am filled to overjoyed because that is what I want to feel.  My thoughts become my actions. I need to control my thoughts instead of my thoughts controlling me. My life is about a serious faith walk.  Right now I am battling walking in faith instead of falling into the circumstances I am faced with. Its so easy to just lay down and give up or give in. I have a greater understanding of why and HOW people just walk away one day and never come back. Why and how a person could end up on drugs and losing everything. How and even why a person ends up in jail or prison. Faced with financial, emotional, material, and family stressors a person could get loss in the pain of the circumstances. Instead I am choosing OVERJOYED because I am NOT in jail, I am not in a mental hospital, I am employed, I do have a home (right now), I am in great health, my children are physically healthy, I have a loving GOD. I am going to not only overcome this challenge I am going to be overjoyed in the experiences of right now as I traverse into the future. 

I have a choice and I am CHOOSING overjoyed!

N is for Night

I had a hard night last night. I woke up out of my sleep with a nightmare of some sort. I woke my brother screaming... I woke my mother screaming... I am stressed, worried, anxious, nervous, scared, restless, uneasy, and troubled... I am sure you get the idea.. I have a LOT going on in my world.. I am going to be moving because the house is up for short sale we are separated, my children are just a few things. 

I recently had a death in my family that came unexpectedly and violently. I am bulking under the burden of life right now and I realized that I was struggling when last night I awoke from my sleep screaming. I need help. My thoughts are overwhelmed with the what ifs. I set up an appointment today. I am in no way suicidal but I am sad very sad. 

There is nothing wrong with asking and receiving help. I am so glad that there is someone there to help.

Wish list

When I was a kid catalogs use to come to the house. JC Penny, Montgomery Wards, Macy's, and Sear's to name a few. We would sit down with a pen or pencil and mark up the pages with the things that we would put into our house. Once a pages was marked it was ours and no one else could have it. We would start at the beginning and work our way to the end. Clothing, home furnishings, dishes, baby items and bathroom accessaries. The book would keep out attention for weeks. We would go back and negotiate for items, plan and re plan, find items we missed in our excitement the first 10 times through.

I miss those days of wonder. The days when I was young and believed that ANYTHING was possible. And then recently it happened again. I saw an Ikea catalog, and I thought about being a little girl... But this time it is different. This time I am starting over and I do need things.

When my husband and I separated I left our home to go to my moms. My husband moved into a new home and our home was broken into and damaged. OK it was TRASHED! My home was filled with homeless people, they took our front door, and anything of value. What was not of value was destroyed. I was left with nothing but the few items I had taken when I left. Everything else was lost..

When I made the decision to return to my home I was asked did I want to go through the things that were left to see if I could salvage anything... I declined. I did not look back. EVERYthing was removed. And I felt that in time I would be able to start anew.

And that takes me back to the Ikea catalog. I saw it and remembered what it felt like to dream and make a wish list... I sat down with a pen and marker and I wished... I circled and highlighted. I ooowwwedddd and awwwweeeddd. I felt like a kid in a ice cream shop, and it was wonderful.

I found hope again,  excitement, and joy. YES I have nothing but that is a great thing because NOW I can have something NEW!!!

M is for Monumental

Monumental is defined as

1. Resembling a monument; massive or imposing.
2. Exceptionally great, as in quality, quality, extent, or degree.
3. Of historical or enduring significance.
4. Having the quality of being larger than life; of heroic scale.

When I reflect over the experiences if my life thus far I have to be honest and say there are a few monumental moments I have experienced. For good or not so good those events have buried into my mind and are etched into my spirit for all times

The birth of each of my child.
The first date I shared with my husband.
Our marriage/ wedding day.
Our first home purchase.
The deaths of my greatgrand mother, grandmother, 2 of my aunts, and my cousin.
The day I was confronted with my affair.
The days I graduated from undergrad and grad school.
Completion of my thesis.
The day my husbands affair was confirmed.
The day I separated from my husband.
The day I stood and reclaimed my marriage.

At the time of each of these events I had some similar feels some very different feels, but either way they stayed with me. What I am learning is although all of those moments were monumental they are about perception. I can choose to look back on them with happiness, sadness, acceptance, regret, or as learning experiences. Life is a monumental event for me.

" We have no right to ask when a sarrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way."

L is for Lemon curd

Yes Lemon Curd! If you have never had the pleasure PLEASE do!

I have made lemon tarts. I am not a chocolate gal.. But I do like goodies

Lemon curd whipped in with whipping cream! Pipped into a tart shell! OHMYgoodness!

K is for Kindness

Kindness

How many times do I forget this action? Kindness is hard to keep up when a person is making you mad! LOL

We have kindness towards our kids, our friends, our co-workers, our bosses. But when it comes to our spouses we forget kindness when feel we are wronged or even justified.

Kindness is a thing I am working on, REALLY hard and diligently. I have found in recent times it is HARD to be kind to a person when they are being LESS then kind to you..

But I am finding that KINDNESS is not a privilege... it should be a given. We should extend kindness to our families, children, and spouses. We do it for co-workers and strangers...

I am working on it!

I am trying to remember a saying I heard in the past
" we often judge others based on their ACTIONS while we judge ourselves on our INTENTIONS" what would happen if we gave the kindness we extend to our selves to the ones that we love?

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution”

Kahlil Gibran

J is for ME!!!

The first letter of my name is J so this will be a getting to know me!!!

1. I am a woman
2. I am a wife
3. I am a sister
4. I am a mother
5. I have 3 kids I carried in my womb and birthed
6. I have 3 more kids I carry in my heart that I loved and nurture from marriage
7. I am 5'2
8. That makes me short
9. I can't sing
10. But I hum
11. I am a Passion Party Consultant 
12. I think in songs
13. My son and I went to dinner last night and the sushi chef that I was his sister
14. I guess I look young
15. I am 33
16. I know ASL
17. I don't know what 33 feels like
18. I don't make friends easily
19. I have a bachelors degree in Social Work
20. I cant spell
21. I spell phonetically instead of grammatically
22. Spell check is my friend
23. I wear contacts
24. I want to get Lasik but I am SCARED out of my wits
25. I am claustrophobic
26. I use to be a SAHM
27. I have 1 daughter
28. I have momma guilt for working full time
29. I want to be a SAHM again desperately
30. I drive a blue car
31. We call the car blue thunder
32. I drive a stick
33. I have 3 siblings
34. I am the eldest child
35. I really like to cook
36. I would go out to eat as my first choice of entertainment
37. I don't drink soda often.. ok rarely
38. I use to drink Pepsi over Coke
39. I say Soda not Pop
40. I have a country girl accent but I grew up no in the country
41. My dad was in the Air force
42. I LOVE to travel
43. I wear Marc Jacob, Marc Jacob
44. My youngest son is almost 7
45. My eldest son is almost 17
46. My water bottle is purple
47. I don't like chocolate
48. I have been on a cruise
49. I have 2 dogs and 1 cat
50. We have had 12 cats at one time.. LONG story
51. My hair is BIG
52. I like to read
53. Lately I have been listening to audio book because I drive a lot for work
54. My laptop is a MAC
55. I really like Apple products
56. I don't wear makeup
57. I have never broken a bone
58. I have all my teeth
59. I use to curse a LOT
60. Now I curse less often out loud and more on the inside
61. I wont sleep with the bathroom door open
62. I like to keep my feet nice
63. I live in a house
64. I have no decorating sense
65. I believe in GOD
66. I believe there is only 1 GOD
67. My father is the last person in his line of his family
68. I am afraid to die
69. I don't cry often
70. This is my 2nd marriage
71. I can skate
72. I can ride a bike
73. I do not like to swim.. EWW pee-pee water
74. My kids are ALL water babies
75. I like rides! Roller coasters
76. I talk loud
77. I talk a lot
78. I wrote a thesis
79. I have a Masters degree in Social Work
80. I am a life long learner
81. I want to go back to school
82. I am in DEBIT for said education
83. Why does education cost so much!
84. I use to FB but I do not any more.
85. I am very optimistic
86. I really like to read.. did I say that already?
87. I am not shy
88. My son is dating!!!
89. I do not like lima beans
90. I do not like Brussels sprouts
91. I failed spanish
92. I am just learning to floss
93. I like cake over pie
94. I like to ride more then drive
95. I will drive for long distances
96. ENFP (google it and see what you are)
97. I am learning how to teach
98. I would like to teach 
99. I am dedicate to my marriage, husband, children, and family
100. I am Jami nice to meet you!
101. 
     

I is for Innoxious

Innoxious 

1. harmless; innocuous.

that words just sounded nice to me!

H is for Hope

What makes you hope? What gives you the ability to stand strong? Why do you seem so certain?

I get asked those questions often. I have hope. Mostly unwavering, mostly rock solid, mostly fluid and bending, mostly strong. 

I am hopefully optimistic which is the best way for me to describe my stubbornness and tenacity or bull headedness or hard head... But H is the letter so it is HOPE!

G is for Gummy Bear

Gummy bears are at the top of the list of my FAVORITE candies. I am not a chocolate gal.. Never have been so my candy choices have always been limited. But gummy candies including bears have never failed me!

That is all!

Oopps that should have been F is for Farrow

Farrow

1. a litter of pigs.
2. to produce a litter of pigs
3. a litter of piglets

This was just an interesting word!!! Enjoy!

E is for Equity

Equity 

1. the quality of being impartial or reasonable; fairness
2. an impartial or fair act, decision, etc
3. the interest of ordinary shareholders in a company
4. the market value of a debtor's property in excess of all debts to which it is liable
5. the monetary value of a property or business beyond any amounts owed on it in mortgages, claims, liens,

When I saw this word it jumped out at me today. Equity.. I reminded me of the old saying "One man's trash is another mans treasure."  Equity can and does come in many forms, sweat, monetary, physical, mental emotional to name just a few. 

When is the last time that YOU looked at something you once valued and gave it a second glance. I know that I forgot the principle that with time items can either appreciate or depreciate. Appreciation giving an item more equity and value... Our home has lost all its equity per the bank, but in my mind it still holds emotional equity, value. 

My marriage from the outside is BANKRUPT and has no equity to most who look at it. But I know that people have had bonds that they were told were not worth the paper it was written on, to throw it away and cut their losses only years later to find that they ignored that advise only to find a WINDFALL in the change of the market. The equity far exceeded their expectations and provided them with far more then they ever expected or hoped for... (thanks SFM) I believe that the equity of my marriage is POSITIVE. I believe that the market value will be beyond any and all liens that are currently against us...