Ambivalent -Psychology . of or pertaining to the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.
I have found that I am in a place of ambivalence and to be honest I am uncomfortable being there some days and other days I am just fine. I am trying really really hard to take each day... well daily. I have noticed that I spend a LOT of my time either laminating about the past and what was or the opposite which is worrying and laminating over the future... When in reality I am LIVING today and only right now. Yesterday is GONE and tomorrow well I am not sure I will be here to experience that. As for fear... Well fear is of my own making. The things I CHOOSE to worry about may or may not come to pass and if they DO or DO NOT is neither here nor there. They will be what they will be.
I was given a wonderful complement. I am at peace.. I look at peace. I am happy that the outside me is getting better. That means what is in me is getting better as well. Maybe it is medication.. Maybe it is counseling, maybe it is time and healing. What ever it is I am happy to be experiencing it.
Because when its all said and done I just want to be happy being where I am.
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