Today I had a court date to appeal my denial for a fee waiver for my divorce.. I made about 21K last year as I only worked about 5 months. I was denied.. WHY you would ask? Well because MONTHLY I make more then the income guidelines. Even though my budget CLEARLY states I HAVE NO MONEY, (they ask for a break down of your income), even though I have 3 kids and one of them is 1. I was DENIED... I know why people lie.. I know why people cheat. DESPERATION.
Oh and it got better. I lost my phone, ran it over, or SOMETHING that it can not be found... That cost me $100 too.
Grand total today $495 guess how much of that I really have..... HAHAHAH That would be NONE!!!
I am now in debt to the bank thank you for over draft but OH the fees to just stay above water. The cell phone is my ONLY phone so I HAVE to have it as I do not have any other way of communicating with the world...
I believe in GOD. I prayed a lot today. If I drank I would have had a LOT to drink.. If I took drugs I would have used today. Thank GOD I do not use drugs nor alcohol..... But I so understand why and how people get lost in those things.
My kids are probably acting like they do any other day but because I am all discombobulated I feel frazzled and short.. Sorry kidlets I love yall!
I have to move... I am selling my house in a short sale. I am trying really really hard NOT to be a bitter old lady....
Prayer I will continue to do, it keeps me sane. Drinking if it was not so expensive could be my back up plan.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Dating with purpose dating for marriage.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of being invited to a group get together for both married and single. It was a "christian" based group and I loved it. There was a video shown by a Pastor R.A. Vernon from The Word Church. What I enjoyed the most and took away from the event was to date with purpose and my purpose is MARRIAGE.
It was so enlightening and uplifting to be CONFIRMED and grounded in my desire NOT to be "out there" looking to hook up with men and HOPE someone comes along. NOPE instead I am going to date with purpose. My 2 best GF told me that if I want something then I have to be bold in my declaration. I have to put "it out there". So I am!
I had the pleasure of meeting a person I will refer to as Southern Comfort or SC for short. SC is the best friend of MY best friends husband. SC lives in another state, SC is 4 years younger then me, SC is also going through a divorce. We meet for the first time 3 years ago when SC came to visit. We ended up being a "couple" for the time he was here on outings. My gf and her husband and SC and me. We talked and had fun, hung out but there was no sexual intercourse. We were both married at the time and we were committed to what we had. We shared our stories but we never crossed the line. I have to admit that I was attracted to him physically, emotionally, and mentally, but I understood that some of what I felt could very well be because of what I was lacking. Either way it did not matter...
Well fast forward to Aug of 2010. I separate from my ex, a year later Aug 2011 or so I am informed by by GF that SC has separated from his ex. I thought nothing of it. Dec 21st. I receive a text message from my gf husband informing me that SC would like to talk to me, here is his number and he is waiting for my call..... I called. We talked. We continue to talk.
Now to tie this story all together... Before I went last night to the group I had decided that I would be HONEST with SC and let him know my desires. I told him I was interested in him and for long term.. marriage potential. We talked about it... He did not hang up and he has not not spoken to me again. I think he is considering my position... I am prayerful to see what GOD has in store. I have made my intentions clear and I am prayerful that GOD answers prayers. If SC is not interested in pursuing marriage then we can be great friends but I will not just accept anything anymore.
It was so enlightening and uplifting to be CONFIRMED and grounded in my desire NOT to be "out there" looking to hook up with men and HOPE someone comes along. NOPE instead I am going to date with purpose. My 2 best GF told me that if I want something then I have to be bold in my declaration. I have to put "it out there". So I am!
I had the pleasure of meeting a person I will refer to as Southern Comfort or SC for short. SC is the best friend of MY best friends husband. SC lives in another state, SC is 4 years younger then me, SC is also going through a divorce. We meet for the first time 3 years ago when SC came to visit. We ended up being a "couple" for the time he was here on outings. My gf and her husband and SC and me. We talked and had fun, hung out but there was no sexual intercourse. We were both married at the time and we were committed to what we had. We shared our stories but we never crossed the line. I have to admit that I was attracted to him physically, emotionally, and mentally, but I understood that some of what I felt could very well be because of what I was lacking. Either way it did not matter...
Well fast forward to Aug of 2010. I separate from my ex, a year later Aug 2011 or so I am informed by by GF that SC has separated from his ex. I thought nothing of it. Dec 21st. I receive a text message from my gf husband informing me that SC would like to talk to me, here is his number and he is waiting for my call..... I called. We talked. We continue to talk.
Now to tie this story all together... Before I went last night to the group I had decided that I would be HONEST with SC and let him know my desires. I told him I was interested in him and for long term.. marriage potential. We talked about it... He did not hang up and he has not not spoken to me again. I think he is considering my position... I am prayerful to see what GOD has in store. I have made my intentions clear and I am prayerful that GOD answers prayers. If SC is not interested in pursuing marriage then we can be great friends but I will not just accept anything anymore.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Things are just moving along.
As is life... Things just move ahead. My baby boy will be 7 years old tomorrow... I am both happy and sad. I can look back at his birth and remember the joy and yet the sadness as well. Today I look at him and I find myself feeling much the same feelings. 7 years later and much has changed and yet much is still the same. I am still filled with sadness and regret with many things yet I am on the road of happiness.
Its a new year and CHANGES are in the process. Chances to make the things I want come to pass with hard work and determination. NEXT year I want to look back and find myself filled with accomplishment and awareness.
My soon to be ex-husband and I had the discussion I had been dreading. Its over and I feel a great sense of relief. Now its a few court dates for our children and then the waiting period to have the papers signed or the divorce to be final. June 27th would be the 6th month mark for the divorce to be final. My 34th birthday will be 7 days later. I want to celebrate happiness and the end of a chapter. I am sad because of the divorce but I am also relieved and excited to see life unfold.
I have informed my step children that I have filed for divorce, I have informed my 7 year old, I have informed my family and close friends. The cat is out of the bag... It is a relief... It is sad but again I look forward to life. A new year and new possibilities!
Its a new year and CHANGES are in the process. Chances to make the things I want come to pass with hard work and determination. NEXT year I want to look back and find myself filled with accomplishment and awareness.
My soon to be ex-husband and I had the discussion I had been dreading. Its over and I feel a great sense of relief. Now its a few court dates for our children and then the waiting period to have the papers signed or the divorce to be final. June 27th would be the 6th month mark for the divorce to be final. My 34th birthday will be 7 days later. I want to celebrate happiness and the end of a chapter. I am sad because of the divorce but I am also relieved and excited to see life unfold.
I have informed my step children that I have filed for divorce, I have informed my 7 year old, I have informed my family and close friends. The cat is out of the bag... It is a relief... It is sad but again I look forward to life. A new year and new possibilities!
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