I have for the past year been fluctuating with how to "fight" for my marriage. I have read books, blogs, watched movies, talked, joined groups and in the end... I have gotten better as a person but the marriage and said affair has done what it has done.
At this point as of 3 weeks ago my plan of attach was to reach out and touch my husband daily, keep him in the loop and act like we were "together"... Now at the time this seemed like a good idea. And it was not so hard. Good am, good nite, blah blah about the kids.... I love you.. Most days or nights I got a response. And I went on
Yesterday I got a text that informed me that my husband wanted me to talk only about the kids and "business" matters... "WE need to move on" as he put it, he did not want to confuse me and he was "in a relationship". Humf now a part of me wanted to rip his head off and poop down his throat and then do the same thing to her.. But then I took a breath and said "OK" as if it was ok... Then for the rest of the day I got to thinking...
EXACTLY what was I doing... What message was I sending and what did I want to accomplish? To that end I figured it out.. I have been letting my husband ride the fence. I play wife she plays live in GF and he is happy. Umm this is not right. He wants to have an affair I have no control over that but I DO NOT have to participate. I realized that I have been doing a wife's job and that is to be his helpmate and trying to shield him...
Umm wrong.. So today I did it. Today I decided to totally remove myself from his presence... I am in the DARK..
Today is Day 1.
- I took a deep breath and I prayed...
- I set up an email and a intermediary to monitor that email. I have no access to said email only the address.
- I sent him a message and made it clear there is NO reason to contact me except in the case of emergency concerning our children
- ALL communications should go through the email account.
- We have NO reason to see each other
- I love you but I do no support, accept, no agree with your choices nor actions
- I deleted his photo from my phone and all his text messages
- I took a deep breath and I prayed...
This is called going dark, plan B, absence makes the heart grow fonder, letting him see what he is missing, kicking him off the fence, removing myself from the mess.
I can not control him nor can my mode of operation be fear driver.
WHAT if he
- Is mad
- Divorces me
- Doesn't talk to me
- Leaves me
SO what! I would rather have a husband who respects me and loves me then a husband who walks all over me and thinks I am weak..
I am not perfect I have made mistakes more then I can count but I am willing to keep trying.. I am willing to admit when what I have done doesn't work.. I do not believe in giving up.
| “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” | |
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